Why focus all your romantic energy on Valentine’s Day? With these sweet, steamy ideas for every day of the month, you and your guy will be reaping the benefits way past the 28th.
By Hannah Hickok, REDBOOK.
1. Gaze into his eyes
According to the Journal of Research in Personality, people who are deeply in love stare at each other 30 to 40 percent more than other couples do, and are slower to look away during an interruption. So next time he locks eyes with you, or vice versa, treat it like a staring contest – the longer you can hold the gaze, the hotter it will be.
2. Clear your qi
Taoists believe that where your mind goes, your qi – the circulating life force in Chinese medicine – will follow, so make sure your energy and your vibe is pure. “The difference between having connected sex and unconnected sex has a lot to do with attitude and intention,” says Jill Blakeway, author of Sex Again. Whether it’s yoga, meditation, or jogging, do whatever helps you get your head in the right place before spending quality time with your partner.
3. Send a flirty text
If you’re feeling feisty, compose a sext. One fun game digital dating experts Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz suggest in their book, Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way into his Heart: Next time you’re out with friends, text him that if he works a funny, sexual word into the conversation a certain number of times before you leave, you’ll do that thing he loves later. Or, check out these other ideas.
4. Compliment him
Buttering him up boosts his confidence, makes him feel great, and turns him on. “Words of affirmation from another can put couples in the mood,” says Jennifer Jones, who works with couples in therapy at the University of Pennsylvania’s School of Social Policy & Practice. “Men and women both want to be desired by their partners, and when you feel confident, that can translate into feeling sexy.”
5. Create insta-romance
Come up with a unique hashtag on Instagram to tag photos you post of special moments you shared together, suggests Baniuszewicz. “Before you know it, you’ll have a whole photo album of your relationship.” With pretty filters, too! #SoCute.
6. Go for a quickie
Spontaneous, exciting…not sounding quite like your everyday life? Squeeze in a quickie, which adds variety and an element of surprise to your sex life, says Blakeway. “If you’re not having sex because by the time you fall into bed at night, you’re totally exhausted, then perhaps it’s time to figure out if you can manage a lunchtime rendezvous now and then, or experiment with setting the alarm back a little for some morning action,” she says, “Make whatever arrangements necessary for your kids to make sure your time is undisturbed.” Consider it one more reason for bedroom door locks and firm, early bedtimes.
7. Don’t forget to play
If you’re feeling the need to lighten things up, you’ve got the right idea. “Research suggests that creativity serves an important role in attraction and relationship maintenance,” says Glenn Geher, co-author of Mating Intelligence Unleashed. “Engaging in creative activities with your partner – like playing music together or playing a creative game like Pictionary – can help you enjoy him in a broader sense. Fostering creativity in romance is a core element of human mating intelligence.” Let the games begin.
8. Surprise him during the day
A sweet, unexpected gesture will get him thinking about you while he’s at work, making him extra excited to see you later. “Drop a note in his briefcase that you have something special planned for that night, or text him to let him know you can’t stop thinking about him,” says Keryl Pesce, happiness expert and author of Happy Bitch. It’s all about the anticipation.
9. Match your breathing rhythms
“Synchronizing your breathing creates intimacy and connection,” explains Blakeway. Try lying down facing each other, and start to breathe in sync. Breathe in as he breathes out, and vice versa, so it’s like the same breath is circulating through both of you. By matching your inhalations and exhalations, you and your partner will also sync up your rhythms, strengthening your physical and emotional connection in that moment.
10. All-over kissing
Everyone loves lip-on-lip action, but other body parts – ears, neck, chest, abs, thighs, calves, feet – are all fair game, too. Fun fact: The inner arm is super-sensitive – in Chinese medicine, it’s said to arouse passions. It may sound quirky, but where there’s sensitive skin and nerve endings, there’s an opportunity for pleasure, so take it!
11. Adopt a personal mantra
“I’m a huge fan of mantras that make you feel empowered,” says Rachel DeAlto, a flirting and communications expert and CEO of FlipMe Flirting Cards. “A daily affirmation, even just, ‘I am sexy,’ is a great start to getting in the mood. You would be shocked at the power of thinking.” The more positive self-talk you treat yourself to, the more confident you’ll feel – and there’s nothing hotter than that.
12. Kiss, just kiss
Remember how exciting a make-out session was when you were 15? Focus on recreating that sensation – without letting your mind wander. “While most intimate relationships begin with lots of kissing, it commonly falls out of the repertoire over time,” says Blakeway. “It’s no coincidence that couples often become less passionate and lose vibrancy around the same time.” Steamy smooching that doesn’t lead to sex helps restore longing that may be missing from your relationship these days.
13. Shake up date-night
Give him a break from planning duty, and email him a few days beforehand with a well-thought-out idea for your outing. Whether it’s a play you’ve both been wanting to see, a new restaurant, or tickets to a sporting event he’s into, he’ll be grateful you took the initiative. And next time, he’ll be motivated to do the same for you.
14. Run him a bath
There are few things more relaxing and stress-busting than a soak in the tub, so next time he’s having a rough week, prepare a hot bubble bath with scented candles, and have it waiting for him after work. He’ll appreciate you taking the time to do something sweet for him with everything else you have on your hands. Even better if you can make it a Friday night, hand the kids off to a friend, and be waiting for him when he gets there.
15. Take turns being the boss in bed
When you get under the covers, let him know that you’re in charge by challenging him not to make a move on you until you tell him it’s time. After a long day of decision-making, he’ll love being able to sit back, relax, and enjoy what you have in store for him – whatever that may be. Then, switch roles and tell him to take charge. Ask him what he’s in the mood for, and enthusiastically obey his every demand, within reason. He’ll get into it in no time.
16. Write a love note
We don’t claim to be Jane Austen when it comes to eloquently writing our feelings, but you need not be a wordsmith to pen a heartfelt note expressing your love. Even if it’s just a card that says, “I’m so glad you’re in my life,” it’s a super-sweet gesture that will make your guy melt. And if you’re really stumped, take a page out of Mr. Big’s book (in Sex and the City, the movie!) and rewrite a famous love note or poem. He’ll adore it nonetheless.
17. Make a sexy dessert
It doesn’t have to be a holiday for you to concoct a delicious, libido-boosting dessert for you and your hubby. Our favorite? Chocolate-dipped strawberries. Each bite into the sweet, forbidden fruit will feel like an invitation – bonus points if you feed them to each other.
18. Breakfast in bed
Wake him up with this yummy surprise: While he’s still sleeping, settle the kids in front of the tube, or send them off for a morning playdate at the neighbors’ house, and cook his favorite breakfast. Then, rouse him with a kiss when it’s ready. Serve the meal to him in bed, so you can spend the morning alone together, snuggling and talking.
19. Out-of-the-blue kisses
Swoop in to give your guy a kiss when he least expects it – when he’s looking adorable but doesn’t know it, while shaving, singing in the shower, or cracking up during 30 Rock. Kiss him in an unexpected spot: on his bicep, shoulder blade, or neck. He’ll love the surprise show of affection, and it’ll remind him how sexy you think he is.
20. Make him miss you
Plan a girls’ night out, and make sure he sees you leaving the house looking your best. Give him a flirty kiss goodbye, and tell him if he waits up for you, you’ll have a surprise for him later. Then, while you’re out, text him once to let him know you’re looking forward to joining him in bed when you get home. Chances are, he’ll be wide awake and ready to go when you walk in the door.
21. Give each other massages
Partner massage is a specific form of foreplay that creates intimacy and relaxation. “Besides feeling great, it opens up energy pathways through the body, leading to more satisfying sex later,” explains Blakeway. Use almond or olive oil you have around the house to soften the skin as you’re massaging, applying pressure with your arms, fingers, and hands to muscles as they relax and unwind. Even if you don’t feel like a pro masseuse, the process will help you and your partner connect on all levels: body, mind and soul.
22. Check him out like a pro
Women should scan their guys’ bodies shamelessly, says Leil Lowndes in her upcoming book, How to Create Chemistry with Anyone. “This shoots his testosterone up through the roof,” Lowndes explains. “And sensing that you want to get busy sends a shot of dopamine to the part of his brain that controls pleasure.” Start at his shoulders and move south. Once you reach his feet, look up into his eyes and reward him with a smiling seal of approval.
23. Set the mood
Dimmers, soft colors, candles and music aren’t just cheesy tricks used to add atmosphere in romantic comedies. “Good light makes a world of difference,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, co-author of The Normal Bar. “Remember, you are trying to get yourself in the right psychological space.” In this case, it’s all about setting up a beautiful physical environment that promotes emotional intimacy.
24. Experience a hot movie or book together
Read any good books lately? “Renting a sexy movie or reading passages aloud from Fifty Shades of Grey sparks your imagination and opens your mind to new possibilities,” says Schwartz. Sounds like the perfect excuse to make your next date a night in.
25. Dress sexy for his eyes only
Instead of wearing a low-cut top or a short skirt, Lowndes recommends rocking outfits that cover you up, but can be easily shifted to reveal more – in private. “One of the key differences between men and women is that men get turned on visually, but women tend to be more mentally stimulated,” adds Jenny Hutt, relationship expert and radio personality. Try a loose, conservative cardigan that you can slip off your shoulders once you’re alone. He’ll love the VIP treatment.
26. Have an emoti-convo
With all the adorable, new emoticons in the smartphone market (there’s everything from broken hearts and champagne glasses to footballs and high heels), this new way to flirtext is something every couple should try. “You can have a pretty creative conversation using iPhone Emoji symbols only,” says Baniuszewicz. Take the challenge – the results will like make you laugh aloud.
27. Foreplay is everything
Kissing, stroking, tickling, you name it; anything leading up to sex counts as foreplay, and “completes an energetic circuit between two people,” says Blakeway. “A lot of people rush through – or forgo – foreplay, and this means couples miss out on a lot of the benefits of sex. Good foreplay reduces pressure to perform, helps bring mind and emotion into a physical equation, and makes sex deeper and richer.” It’s so worth budgeting an extra ten minutes for all that.
28. Not-so-cheap thrills
Every so often, step outside both your comfort zones to do an adrenaline-inducing activity, like ziplining, taking a vespa ride, or setting out on a rigorous hike to a beautiful place. “A stimulating activity sparks a dopamine thrill, resulting in a phenomenon called excitation transfer, in which your brain assumes the thrill came from being with that person, not necessarily the activity,” says Lowndes. “Soon, you’ll anchor that feeling of excitement to one another, just like when you first started dating.”
